Hard Rock Zombies

hard_rock_zombiesThe Poster:
I found a few images for this but this is one is how I found out about  this movie. It looks fun but cheesy which is what I would expect from a movie with a title like this. It’s going to be a goofy 80’s romp, so I’ll be basing my comments on the whole thing from that point of view.

The premise is that Adolf Hitler is alive and well in 1980’s America where he lives with his “family” of murdering freaks. Elsa is a werewolf and their kids seem to be a beautiful but psychotic woman, a dwarf and a misshapen something or other.  Troll? It borrows heavily from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Psycho and a lot of other classic horror movies. Actually, it seems to be drawing from EVERY horror movie. The town is so bat shit crazy about the evils of Rock N Roll that they go nuts and burn all their records and tapes etc and ban the band from performing.

Apparently the band wrote a song that brings dead things back so when they are murdered the little girl the band leader had fallen for plays the song and they all come back from the VERY shallow grave to whoop some nazi ass.

The Good:
It’s fun. It’s dumb and it makes about as much sense as a screen door on a battleship.
(Quick! What movie am I referencing there?)

A lot of the early part of the movie involves the band having fun, playing music and generally acting the way people do in 80’s music videos. So, you know, awesome.

The Bad:
– Now I love a good montage once in a while but the montages in this movie really take it to  the limit of acceptability.

– The writing is pretty bad. It’s hard to believe that anyone would really talk the way people do in the movie but it’s still not as bad as a lot of other movies I’ve seen.

The Ugly:
– Mullets, mustaches and . . . those eyebrows!


– The acting is bad, but it’s a lot better than bad. It’s not bad in the sense that it’s unwatchable. It’s bad in the, “this-is-a-cheap-goofy-movie” kind of way.

– The movie really ends about fifty some minutes in but then keeps going for another half hour of gore and zombie action where everyone the good guys killed is back as a zombie to do more damage. It’s kind of like when you think the monster is dead in the horror movie only to find he’s still kicking. In this case it’s pretty much all the bad guys.  If you’re brave enough or drunk enough keep pressing on and you’ll get about thirty more ridiculous minutes out of this amazing flick.

Great Quote:
You know soon girls I’ll be a Mormon and you’ll all be my wives.

Your father’s a real mother.


Published by

Mike Kloran

Educational Designer from Brooklyn New York. I'm a teacher, an artist, an athlete and constantly doing, making, drawing, creating! It's a busy life but I'm doing what I love and that's what matters most to me!

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