Gravestoned

Bottom line, this is one of the worst movies I’ve ever had to sit through.

gravestoned
The Poster:
Ok, this is the DVD cover not really a poster and it looks like it was made in MS Paint so there’s that.
This movie is meant to be a horror comedy billed as being the first zombie flick for stoners. Hence the smoke on the cover and the rolling paper on the word stoned. . .

The gravestone says The Scot, the Pot and the Arm that won’t Rot. The Scot is a Scottish terrier, the pot I already explained and the arm  is a severed arm meant to be used as a movie prop. Actually it smells pretty bad and rots fairly well so the cover text doesn’t really match the movie.

You get the feeling watching this turd that a bunch of people at school decided to come up with a funny movie after watching Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and AFI’s list of 100 greatest movies of the past hundred years.

The Good:
About twenty minutes into the movie I decided it was so bad that I’d rather watch a video on YouTube of every Nicholas Cage scene where he laughs.

I have no regrets.

The Bad:
Literally (not figuratively,) every line of dialogue and the way they are delivered in the entire movie is a torturous experiment in the limits of human endurance. The idea that any sane or rational person could possibly think this passes as a good or even mediocre movie is beyond reason.

One small example of the horrible movie making that went into this is the framing. Over and over again shots in the movie are so badly framed they seem to work against themselves and the purpose of the movie makers. They typically show characters only partly in the frame where nothing else is going on in the rest of the scene. Some of this takes place in the gratuitous t&a scenes but even those are so mild that there seems little reason to “hide” anything out of frame. It actually makes the actors look bad in that they are doing performances that are only partially on the screen.

There are plenty of other horrible horror movie cliches and conventions like the car that won’t start when you need it and all the actors showing up one at a time to be knocked off by the masked killer at the same place.

The one really baffling thing is that there is very little here for a stoner to enjoy. It’s not particularly funny but then I wasn’t smoking she I watched it. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’ve missed the obvious elephant in the room.  Maybe I just need a massive amount of weed to enjoy this movie. But I doubt even that would help.

The Ugly:
The accents the director uses are ridiculous.

Oh, right! I guess I should mention the plot at some point. It escaped me for a moment there. It’s all about a group of people making a horror movie. They use a real severed arm as a prop and when the corpse who had its arm removed realizes its arm is missing it gets up and goes on a rampage.

yaaaaaawn.

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Published by

Mike Kloran

I am an Educational Designer from Brooklyn New York. I'm a teacher, an artist, an athlete and constantly doing, making, drawing, creating! It's a busy life but I'm doing what I love and that's what matters most to me!

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