An unnamed maintenance man shyly steps into the cleanest women’s bathroom in the world without announcing himself. He finds a dead rat that falls out of the ceiling and picks it up with his bare hands. He then flushes it down a toilet and barely rinses his hands. He immediately throws up and then hides in a stall playing a game on a Blackberry. When two women come in and start lezing it up (as all women do in bathrooms), he quietly watches. Until of course, one decides to eat the other. . . NO! Not like that you pervert! This is a zombie movie!

Ok, so why the play by play?

Because as I started watching Stalled,  I wished I were able to keep up with the massive amount of movie sins in this British horror comedy. I lost count when I started laughing and just started enjoying myself. So here we go.

I’ve said before that I’m not a big fan of lots of images all composited together to make a single poster image but this time it’s done right. The images do still feel a bit pieced together but the color feels good and all the characters are pointing us towards the central Rick-Moranis-looking guy on the toilet. Not that bad.

The Good:
It’s funny, it’s bloody and it gives a nice tip of the hat to the Evil Dead with a quick back and forth between the main character and a zombie. You’ll know what I mean when you see it. That sort of Sam Rami camera style is impossible to miss.

Throughout the story our main character is alternately harassed and helped by another person hiding in another stall. It’s all a bit odd that we don’t get to see her through all this leading us to assume there is some sort of horrible and or wonderful reveal coming. There is, so if you don’t want to know what it is skip, “The Ugly” down below.

The Bad:
This is a fun little flick that never really raises up to the amazing level of Evil Dead or Shaun of the Dead. Fortunately it doesn’t have much going against it except being cheap and that’s not SO bad. Besides being monetarily a bit budget, the humor is also pretty cheap as well and plays to the thought most people have probably had on the can, what if it happened now? What would I do? What could I use around me to help myself out?

One thing that confused me was that the zombie outbreak we see in this movie is happening in this office building while the company X-mas party is going on. Apparently, in England, the company X-mas party is also a costume party? What?

The Ugly: 
Here’s the spoiler I warned you about up above.
The ugly in this movie turns out to be the girl in the first stall trying to help our hero. She’s actually just a fat girl who gives up trying to get out when she realizes she’ll never fit in the crawl space behind the toilet stalls. I thought this was a bit mean. Honestly, I work out about four times a week, have decent abs and am pretty fit, but I don’t get down on fat people like this did. It wasn’t just a fat joke, it was like depressing fat suicide and just didn’t come across as all that funny even seeming a bit pointless. Compare this to the cardio joke in Zombieland. THAT was funny.

Favorite Quotes:
The tag lines I found for this movie are both pretty good.
– When there’s no restroom in hell the dead will walk the earth.
– He’s in the perfect place to be scared shitless.

Now we know that zombies are true. What if other things are true too.
Like what?
Like Frankensteins, and Pikachus.


Published by

Mike Kloran

Educational Designer from Brooklyn New York. I'm a teacher, an artist, an athlete and constantly doing, making, drawing, creating! It's a busy life but I'm doing what I love and that's what matters most to me!

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