I watched this movie as I wrote this blog post.
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. This is awful.
Why did I watch this?
For you ok. I watched it for you! And for the strippers. . .
Note: this movie was originally released as Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! The copy I’m watching is called Zombies Vs Strippers but it’s the same movie.
Let’s start with the poster / cover art.
This is pretty bad. It ought to be featured on Photoshopdisasters.com Notice how the zombie on the left with his hands raised isn’t actually looking at the girl he’s apparently about to attack? As if he’s looking across the bar at someone else?
Another thing that puts me off is the ridiculously small stage. Not only is it the size of a table but the pole isn’t even in the middle of it. Look how close the woman’s foot is to the edge of the table. If she puts her other foot down she’s likely to just fall off. Notice the arm draped across the TINY stage? Whose is it? It looks like it’s meant to be the weirdo sniffing the stage and looking at the viewer but it clearly doesn’t match up with the angle of his arm. Ok, maybe his arm is broken and thats why the arm looks so lifeless. But if it’s a useless arm why is it across the table? Is it meant to be scary? Or menacing? Because it’s not.
Notice how the stage has a softened edge but the arm doesn’t? Why? Photoshopdisasters.com This cover image has been put together with a lot of different photos which all have different perspectives. For example the zombie on the far right of the stage seems to be reaching out to the viewer because his hand is so big. Yet the zombie who’s apparently reaching across the stage seems to be doing the same thing but the perspective on their hands is totally different. Basically it’s a mess.
And what is the girl doing? Ok I know what she’s doing, she’s pole dancing. But doesn’t she notice the zombies around her crappy little stage? What? NO reaction at all?
The tagline is brilliant: Zombies Vs Strippers: They want to strip your flesh.
The way the main characters destroy the zombies is a little different in this movie than I’ve seen in other movies. The idea being that one of the main characters accidentally stabs himself in the gut with the cure. Once he gets bitten whatever zombie bites him and thus gets exposed to his blood, explodes. The reason they explode is almost as ridiculous as the special effects used to show them blowing up. But the idea that the main character should sacrifice himself because the cure is in his blood is at least interesting.
The movie starts with a bit of a fake out. We see a zombie attack that seems a bit more like a goofy 1950’s horror flick that turns out to be just a movie on TV that a little girl is watching. This kind of fake out has been done before but with better effect. We need to believe that what we are seeing is actually part of the story in order to believe the fake out. What I thought when I saw it was just that this was a crappy piece of crappy crap that crapped all over my brain. I know that sounds like an incredibly unintelligent thing to say but that’s about as intelligent as this movie gets.
Delving deeper into the movie I am constantly and consistently confronted with some of the worst acting and writing I have ever seen. Earlier I mentioned the main character who sacrifices himself to destroy the zombies. Every time he gets bit he just seems to be tired, or inconvenienced. He never breaks a sweat, and he just maintains the same sort of blasé bored attitude that everybody else in this movie has. I know it’s meant to be a comedy but the timing and delivery of the acting completely destroys any comedic effect.
Despite being billed as a horror comedy full of strippers, this movie fails to horrify, it isn’t funny, and the strippers aren’t much to look at.
Zombies. Who makes this garbage?
Hi, I’m Pandora. Would you like to come into Pandora’s box?
Pass the syrup. Not the boysenberry! Are you stupid or something? You don’t mix berries!
She’s not going to be a zombie, she’s going to be a mommy.