The Dead Pit

This is without a doubt one of the worst movies ever created. I found this incredible turd fest while hunting around for some fresh zombie flicks I hadn’t seen yet and boy this is a doozy. Even knowing that though, I totally recommend it under one condition. You leave it on in the background while drinking a LOT of alcohol and just laugh your ass off.

Were I to guess the perfect target audience I’d say teenage boys or college kids ready to make a new drinking game out of it.

Dead Pit

The Bad:
Watch the first five minutes and see if there is a single shot that doesn’t spit in the face of good movie making. I’m almost tempted to do an “Everything Wrong With Dead Pit” type video but i t would take forever.

The opening shot is of a sign for a mental hospital followed by shots of mental patients acting, (badly) nuts in their rooms. It seems set up and convoluted like a bad 80’s TV show. Wasn’t this on Quantum Leap? Anyway each shot is interspersed with the credit sequence which goes on for goddamned ever.

The music is insanely cheap and the lighting throughout this sequence is as cartoonish as the acting. From bad white lighting blazing behind one doctor to the Scooby-Doo like green light set up at the bottom of a spiral staircase.

The parts of the two doctors running the place are acted about as badly as Wesker in the first Resident Evil game and even have the bad, giant hair to go along with it.  We find the two doctors in a short confrontation with one another over some sort of evil research one of them is doing on the patients. The other doctor simply isn’t going to cover up for him anymore!!

Uhg.

When one of the doctors stabs a patient in the eye with an ice pick to performance and transorbital lobotomy, the other doctor simply can’t take it anymore and decides to put an end to whatever it is the other guy’s doing. Fortunately for the murderous doctor there doesn’t appear to be any sort of staff, nurses, anyone else around this place to witness them or report any of this. Not even a janitor. Also fortunate for the doctor who wants to end all this he keeps a loaded pistol in his desk drawer just ready to go.

There is also the fact that the small hole created for the lobotomy leaves a massive blood trail like breadcrumbs . . .

for him to follow . . .

down to a secret door . . .

which leads to a secret chamber . . .

below the insane asylum!!

I mean come on! What is this? Some sort of comic book from the 1940s? I have a feeling that at least the artwork on something like that would make it redeemable but this is just crap.

As the doctor descends a preposterous spiral staircase lit with this ridiculous green light he gets to the bottom and finds that a giant vagina has been cut into the scalp of a patient’s head who seems to be twitching because he’s had too much acupuncture to the brain.

dead-pit1

We also then very quickly find that there’s an entire pit full of bodies down there. (AHA! That’s what the title refers to!) The bodies should be rotting since it would take quite a long time to build up that many of them but they have been preserved with a big barrel of  formaldehyde. This leads to a confrontation with some bad slow-motion fight elements thrown in just for fun. The evil doctor is shot in the head at lies dead on top of the pit of corpses of mental patients. Apparently they were all John Does who no one would ever notice had gone missing. That includes any nurses or staff members in the hospital as well as their families.

At first I thought that someone going missing would be kind of a big deal and noticeable at a hospital like this. But later in the film people start going missing left and right and no one seems to notice.

The doctor makes like the Cask of Amontillado and seals up the door with a bunch of plaster he got from I don’t know where. Seriously, where did he  get that plaster!? Anyway he seals up the door with the green lights still shining in the background through the cracks in the wood.

And finally it’s 20 years later and the story can finally begin.

That’s right. All that crap happened during the opening sequence and the credits.

The rest of the movie is full of psychic lunatics, hypnosis, demonic undead, a crazed nun trying to perform exorcisms and lots of nuts. Just see it to believe it.

The Good:
A mild dose of pointless sex-charged scenes with a bit of T&A.

The Ugly:
Despite the title and the amazing concept (insert sarcasm here) the zombies don’t come into play until the final act and by then they are running around like bad comedic parodies of zombies. Not frightening at all, they seem to be childlike comedic things that shuffle around idiotically.

Favorite Quote:
Damn the distributer’s gone!
For dead people, they sure are smart!

C’mon. We’ve got a water balloon to drop on these assholes.

Note:
Check out the acting sheet for the woman who plays Jane Doe. At first I sort of dismissed her as just another cheep B-movie queen but she’s worked as a stuntwoman on some huge TV shows like 24 and Dead Wood. Good on you Cheryl Lawson.

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Published by

Mike Kloran

I am an Educational Designer from Brooklyn New York. I'm a teacher, an artist, an athlete and constantly doing, making, drawing, creating! It's a busy life but I'm doing what I love and that's what matters most to me!

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