I thought I had seem some of the worst zombie flicks ever made until this incredible shit storm blew my way.
Watching the first five to ten minutes of the movie ought to be enough to tell you there’s something not right about this movie. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find anything right about this movie.
The first most glaringly obvious sign of shoddy movie making is the poor sound throughout the movie. Actors dialogue was laid over afterwords in such an unconvincing manner that the actor’s mouths aren’t moving when their dialogue is playing. Or their dialogue is dropped in only when they’re looking away from the camera or can’t be seen. In another scene an actor keeps talking but there’s no sound at all on screen.
The actor’s voices also seem to have been recorded in the softest way possible. As zombies attack they simply speak their lines, in these horrible soft tones that don’t match what’s being shown on the screen.
FX master Tom Savini stars in the opening scenes and it’s horrific to think a guy as cool as that or as menacing as he appears would have such a soft, weak voice.
Zombies are apparently also ninjas in this world as they appear out of nowhere to terrify the living, again and again and again. Actually they usually suddenly appear from just to the left or right of the camera. They literally step out of areas that are brightly lit and clearly in the character’s fields of vision and yet everyone is totally surprised to see them.
Shut up about Abbot Hayes already!
So the story goes that a crazed serial killer attacked a bunch of women, was later killed in prison, but his body disappeared. 14 years after this apparent zombie kidnapped some kids during a zombie outbreak, his now much more horribly makeupped corpse is strolling around killing everyone in sight. C’mon, with someone like Savini involved with the project couldn’t they have had better hand makeup than a cheap pair or rubber gloves?
As the action unfolds, the story of Abbot Hayes is bandied about with a thick coat of disbelief by everyone and their brother. Take for example the grave robbers. One sees the Abbot’s corpse creeping up behind his friend, points, yells “Abbot Hayes!” and runs. (Note he instantaneously recognized who the rotting corpse in the dark is without missing a beat.) His friend, doesn’t turn around even though we can clearly hear the Abbot walking up to him. He calls out: “Abbot Hayes!? What are you talking about? Abbot Hayes was killed in prison years ago. You know you listen to too many damned stories.” Amazing isn’t it how he manages to blurt out the history of Abbot Hayes in a quick breath before getting eaten by him?
This “zombie” apparently has a lot going on as he goes around putting together some sort of master plan by picking off his victims and keeping himself well hidden. He also displays the unique ability to reanimate bodies by biting them after their dead.
I have to stop here. This movie really is an incredible joke. There isn’t a single scene that doesn’t bugger the imagination.
If you can get through this incredible shit fest I’ll call you a much more hardcore zombie fan than me.